The Last Samurai

Sadly, not a Tom Cruise-owned feudal-Japanese place. Teppanyaki, not tyranny. Hibachi restaurants are funny—where else is shrimp-down-the-blouse considered not only not a felony, but an agreeable part of the dining spectacle? And spectacle is what Last Samurai does best—sizzling, dicing, shouting, dancing, flying Benihana-on-crystal-meth spectacle. Alternately titled, “Holy Onion Volcano, Batman!” Group seating, which is always weird, but the norm at tepan places. Open floorplan for maximum inter-island combustion visibility. Order whatever, it always comes out tasting like garlic and wok oil anyway. Your pride and wallet will take big hits, but your community college date might be impressed by the pufferfish.